Starla West

How to “Clear the Air” When You Are the Recipient of Rude and Disrespectful Cell Phone Behavior

Last month, I wrote an article entitled Cell Phone Etiquette Part One: What Do Your Cell Phone Behaviors Say About You? In response, I received the following email from one of my readers:

Hi Starla,

I am really enjoying your articles; this one in particular.  I have a growing annoyance with this type of behavior.  But even more, I am amazed at the poor etiquette used with cell phones in general.

Just the other day, I was enjoying a nice evening with a group of friends.  As we were gathered around the table, one of my friends began sharing details about a big life decision he was facing.  As he went on, another man (young, but not that young) played around on his iPhone.  I kept telling myself, “I’m sure he’s just looking up some reference point that was just made for clarification. He probably doesn’t know where that city is in China and wanted to see it on a map.”  However, I was surprised when no clarification was made…at least not out aloud.

I remember feeling awkward and concerned for the man who was speaking.  I was suddenly nervous that he would notice the other man’s disregard of him and would become hurt and offended, and left feeling very disrespected.  But guess what happened after that?   Oh, you know it!  After he finished speaking and someone else was talking, he himself became deeply engaged in whatever was more interesting on his phone!  I thought to myself, “Am I the only one that feels this way?”

No, you are not.  It is disappointing that we are unable to fully engage in conversation without feeling a strong need to check our cell phones every few seconds.  When we do, the message we send is “At this very moment, I am not 100% present and you are not my top priority.”  This makes building rapport and strengthening relationships quite challenging.  Not to mention it is simply rude and disrespectful.

How should we respond when we are the recipient of this rude and disrespectful behavior?

The next time you are engaged in one-on-one conversation and your conversation partner turns his or her attention to his or her cell phone, simply stop speaking and let a few moments of awkward silence pass.  Eventually, he or she will look up after noticing you stopped speaking.  Then, with a friendly smile and pleasant tone of voice simply say, “It appears there is something on your phone that requires your immediate attention.  I will give you a few moments to address it.  When you are finished, I will continue.”

In an oh-so-nice way, what we’ve really said is, “I will not tolerate your rude and disrespectful behavior.”

If you are in conversation with a small group and you notice someone is checking his or her cell phone, simply wait for a pause in conversation and then politely say, “Bill, it appears there is something on your cell phone that needs your immediate attention.  Would you like to step away and address it so that we may continue on with our conversation?”

What it comes down to is this: We teach people how to treat us. If we do not like the way we are being treated, we must be prepared to correct the behavior before it gets out of hand.  So give the above approaches a try and let me know how it goes!

Oh…and one last note…if we do not want to be the recipient of this rude and disrespectful cell phone behavior, we should not demonstrate this behavior ourselves.

What Do Your Cell Phone Behaviors Say About You?

Starla West

A few months ago I had the pleasure of attending the Women Like Us Afternoon Tea and Speaker Series.  There were over 200 individuals in attendance, all of whom were seated in the beautifully decorated Columbia Club ballroom.

At an event like this, the demonstration of proper social etiquette is crucial to creating an environment where everyone feels comfortable and respected.  Remember… etiquette is all about behavior. It is a set of rules and guidelines that govern socially acceptable behavior within a civilized society.  Whether they are written or unwritten, these rules and guidelines help us interact with one another (productively and harmoniously) as we embrace common moral and social values in an atmosphere of mutual respect.

That being said, it is important to note that there is a set of unwritten rules that guide the way in which we use our cell phones in public.  Here are a few cell phone etiquette questions everyone should be able to easily answer.

1. When attending an event like the one described above, what should we do with our cell phone? If you answered, “Turn it off and tuck it away in a purse, pocket or portfolio,” you are correct.

1. Is it acceptable to place our phones on ‘vibrate’ and let them bounce around on the table as telephone calls, emails and text messages are received? The answer, of course is, “Absolutely not!  A vibrating phone is just as distracting as a ringing phone.”

1. Is it okay to answer our cell phones in public and speak loudly because we think what we are saying is impressive to those around us? If you answered, “No way!  Loud talkers are not impressive.  They are annoying,” you are correct.  Receiving a cell phone call, email or text message in public is NOT a sign of importance.

Well…I have to say I was completely disappointed with the number of phones that rang and vibrated throughout the speaker series.  It was distracting and disrespectful!

Even worse, a woman seated at a table in the middle of the room ANSWERED a telephone call and SPOKE VERY LOUDLY with the caller as she casually strolled from the middle of the room to the exit in the back of the room.  I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears!  This was an adult choosing all the wrong behaviors.

If we are expecting a telephone call, email or text message that will require our immediate attention once received, we should use the following approach to minimize any disruption and show respect for others.

1. Choose a seat near the exit.
2. Place your cell phone on vibrate.
3. Hold your cell phone in your hand and place your hand on your lap.
4. When the call, email or text message is received, only you will notice it.  Quietly stand up and leave the room making sure the door doesn’t slam behind you.
5. Once behind closed doors, quietly answer the call or return the email or text message.

The goal of this approach is to draw very little attention to ourselves.

Here is YOUR CHALLENGE for the month.
The way in which we use our cell phone speaks volumes about who we are as individuals and business professionals.  Pay attention to your cell phone usage, especially when in public.  Are you showing respect and creating a comfortable environment for those around you?  If not, a behavior adjustment is probably necessary.

EMPLOYERS, here is your challenge for the month.
Review your cell phone, email and voice mail policies.  First, do they need updated?  Secondly, be sure to use a fun activity to engage your team in a lively and positive cell phone, email and voice mail etiquette discussion that will reinforce the desired behaviors that contribute to a comfortable work environment.